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it's been forever.

i'm back at college and a part of me never, ever wants to leave here; while another just wants to drive home and cry and have my mom hug me.

i'm getting too old for this.

all i want is to laugh and watch tv and party and smile like every other normal college student. it's just so damn impossible for me to let my anxieties go and stop worrying about the consequences all of my actions might make.

dear life, just let me fly by the fucking seat of my pants, please??! love, anna.

but all i can do is just push everyone farther away.

oh geez.

sched, btw.

9:00-9:50 | CMM 111| Informative Public Speaking
11:00-11:50 | CMM 202| Foundations of Communication Theories & Research
12:00-12:50 | CMM 330| Media Writing
1:00-1:50 | POL 201| American Political Systems

10:30-11:45 | REL 363 | Faith & Justice
12:00-1:15 | SOC 339 | Social Inequality.
it's been awhile.

spring break is next week and all i can do is procrastinate. what's new?

today i was reading my cousin's blog and realized that i should probably email her or something one of these days. i miss her. she had two little precious baby girls in january that were born more than three months early. they had to induce labor because of an infection. they were fraternal twins, and baby emma didn't have enough fluid surrounding her before she was born, and couldn't develop fully. her lungs didn't work properly, and she passed away a few hours after she was born. baby kailey is over four pounds now, and is going to be off oxygen soon. she should be able to go home soon. my heart just aches for my cousin, who isn't even living back home right now. her family is split between louisville, dallas and denver, and she is stuck in north carolina right now. i am visiting her sister in june, and almost feel guilty that i'm not going to see her instead. but she is strong beyond belief; and i will be seeing her later in the summer when she comes home for emma's memorial service.

i'm just unbelievably proud of her and hadn't thought about it much.

meanwhile, i'm completely happy in every aspect of my life. :)
it's been almost 6 months and that's terrifying to me. but i've learned to trust more than i ever though i would.


for kicks.

So, here's how it works:
1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don't lie and try to pretend your cool...

my answers:

Opening Credits: i get a kick out of you -- jamie cullum.

Waking Up: i must belong somewhere -- bright eyes.

First Day At School: the luckiest -- ben folds.

Falling In Love: your song -- ewan mcgregor & nicole kidman.

First Kiss: for good -- wicked.

Fight Song: bold as love -- john mayer.

Breaking Up: we both go down together -- the decemberists.

Prom: hands down -- dashboard confessional.

Life's OK: the blues are still blue -- belle & sebastian.

Mental Breakdown: the tide -- the spill canvas.

Driving: little house of savages -- the walkmen.

Working Out: mfeo: part one- made for each other, part two- you can breathe -- jack's mannequin.

Flashback: pain killer -- turin brakes.

Getting Back Together: eyes open -- snow patrol.

Wedding: over and over -- nelly/tim mcgraw (embarassing).

Honeymoon: over my head (cable car) -- the fray.

Birth of Child: all these things that i've done -- the killers.

Final Battle: lady -- regina spektor.

Death Scene: i don't want to be -- gavin degraw.

Funeral Song: i slept with someone in fall out boy and all i got was this stupid song written about me -- fall out boy.

End Credits: caring is creepy -- the shins.


things are changing.

i don't know why this shocks my like it does. people are gone. they may still be here physically, still with me, but things are no longer the way they used to be. i don't know if this is because of me; i would like to think that it is not. but you can never be totally sure.
i'd like to think it is them:
it's her fault for getting back together with her ex boyfriend who only makes her a worse person.
it's her fault for making friends with the wrong people and only disrespecting herself.
it's her fault for not keeping up with me and not answering my phonecalls.
it's his fault for drinking constantly and falling into this hole, and continuing to dig deeper.

but i'm not positive.

why, i find it to be funny. this weekend i went to louisville for a good 24 hours. i stayed with, hung out with plently of people - none of whom i had a clue of who they were this time last year.

i suppose there is nothing else we can do. all that can happen is just to accept things the way they go. people constantly come in and out of our lives and right now no one can imagine their lives without those people. but people change. situations change and nothing is everlasting. it's all ephemeral and i suppose change is good. i'm okay with it. i'm learning to let go.

thanksgiving break update.

returned from dayton after a prolonged car trip. dropped off brandon at his house, awkward experience with mollie's car in the driveway that made all of us laugh and only left brandon flabbergasted. got dropped off at home, spent a good hour with the fam, then got coffee right quick with mary beth and her friend allison from western. after that we went to cafe 360. we met up with a bunch of people: jacqui, joe, brandon, carey beth, sarah p., ashley, richard, dallas, and justin. it was good to see everyone, even though i felt like ashley, richard and sarah were being kind of bitchy, which sucks because i usually like them a lot. on the other hand, carey was being really sweet - she's starting to grow on me, even though we started off on the wrong foot when i inadvertently stole her franzia. long story. dallas followed me to kurz hall at u of l, where we met up with joe again and josh portman. he gave me back my dad's marine corps marathon medal which he stole this summer. haha, i missed that kid more than i would ever admit. matt was having a party in his dorm for kevin (it was his birthday). i stayed for a little while, everyone else ended up staying the night in carey's dorm in community park. john and kevin bought a hookah and people smoked in the bathroom. butterscotch - delish.

uneventful during the day. that night, went to elizabeth's house and gave beth, jodi and bivin rides. got to see elizabeth, colleen, chelsea, and jenny which was lovely seeing i hadn't seen many of them since summer. we went to olive garden and then back to ehags to hang out for a little bit. watched a wonderful youtube video: "welcome to my home." i am adding a fox.

thanksgiving of course. we had my mom's side at our house, and it was nice. no fun stories, no ruined turkey although it was a close call. after that i went over to my uncle bryan's house at 3ish and got some dessert. eric, ian, jake and i played a hardcore game of monopoly. jake and i ended up forfeiting. that night i went home and watched some grey's. yaay.

busy. went out to eat with mary beth and courtney at the deli for lunch. i went back home for a little bit and watched some antm, then went to stonybrook to see "august rush" with elizabeth, colleen and beth. incredibly unrealistic, but a bit of a tear jerker. afterwards i went by my dad's for a few minutes because he was having a little family get together and i was required to make an appearance more or less. pondered putting the marine corps marathon medal back in its proper place; decided not to. then travelled to heine's and met up with the people from the movie, john b, beth ri, chica, and laura. me, john, chica and beth ri went to cafe 360 afterwards. it was a lot of fun - i got to see a lot of people i didn't think i would be able to over the break. after that i drove down to kurz again and had a little mini-fiesta with john f, joe, jacqui, matt, and amanda. awkwardly sean ward, eric brewer and tyler purcell also showed up. got dominated in whisky pong, which i will never play again. got locked in matt's suitemate's room, who was not home. awkward. troy, ian and jacob randomly showed up for like 5 minutes. more or less the most random moment of my life. john, joe, jacqui and i stayed in amanda's room. no one threw up on the futon or me this time, thank the lord.

saturday: left amanda's dorm, drove home and took a shower. hung out with the bro, watched more antm. went to my cousin alanna's 3rd birthday party out in crestwood. yaay family. it was fun. i left at 630ish to go to ditto's on bardstown to go out to eat. met up with daniel, katie mooney, jacob bishop and his girlfriend julieanne, jordan bond, lance, and some other guy named pat i think? jordan awkwardly showed up in an oxford and tie with khakis. "i'm sorry, did st. x just let out?" he claimed that he had just gotten done writing a paper, and dressing in a shirt and tie makes him write better. riiight. it was fun, and made me realize i kind of miss those guys. after that i went over to laura r's house, and reuinited with my summer besties, laura, marci, courtney and mary beth. we watched "30 days" on fx and just caught up and ate pumpkin pie. it was nice.

sunday i woke up and spent some time with the family. went to brandon's to carpool back to dayton. looked at the st. x 06-07 yearbook, which included the following awkward pictures of my boyfriend: him with a shovel, vaccuming with a teacher while wearing tazmanian devil slippers, with john fuh and mrs. reynolds at graduation, on senior day with john, gus, grant, brandon and jacob wearing awkward gym shorts. i feel like it was only fitting to his awkward personality.

i'm not ready for this sort of thing.

actually the song of life.Collapse )

somedays i believe i am just too lucky. :)
peace and love.
schedule for next semester:

2:00-2:50 | MTH 114 | Contemporary Math
3:00-4:15 | SOC 101 | Principles of Sociology

9:00-10:15 | ASI 112 | CORE Integrated Study Lecture
10:30-11:45 | CMM 201 | Foundations of Mass Communications

9:00-10:15 | ASI 112 | CORE Integrated Study Seminar
10:30-11:45 | ENG 335 | Modern Black Literature
2:00-2:50 | MTH 114 | Contemporary Math
3:00-4:15 | SOC 101 | Principles of Sociology

9:00-10:15 | ASI 112 | CORE Integrated Study Lecture
10:30-11:45 | CMM 201 | Foundations of Mass Communications

9:00-10:15 | ASI 112 | CORE Integrated Study Seminar
10:30-11:45 | ENG 335 | Modern Black Literature
2:00-2:50 | MTH 114 | Contemporary Math

i have to register online at 8 am tomorrow. blahhhh.
gigantic CORE test today, i almost died. that class takes over my life. here, all freshmen, no matter what their major, have to take at least one religion, philosophy, and history class. i am in CORE, which is all of those combined and we get more credits for it. i love it, but we have huge essay tests that are ridiculous. everyone was like death this morning, and we take the test with all the seminars in the lecture hall. they give us six essays to prepare for and then roll the dice to see which three we actually answer right before the test. it was hilarious to see the professors rolling dice on stage and 70+ people in the lecture hall screaming and yelling to the responses of the dice. we got wonderful questions this time around, unlike our first test. just as long as i never have to talk about the silk road EVER AGAIN. after the test, this genius kid justin said in response to one of the questions "i argued that i would rather be a student of erasmus than machiavelli. but i wrote my entire essay as a satire. i hope he understands." haha.
love to all. :)

procrastination old school style, pt. 2.

obviously college loans me a lot of free time.

1. anna
2. ab
3. annie?

1. annab927 (currently)
2. fairlyalarmed
3. minnownookette

1. my eyes
2. my hair
3. my smile

1. my legs
2. my arms
3. my feet

1. german
2. irish
3. that is all i know of

1. creepy-crawly types
2. pain
3. losing people i love

1. food
2. people to talk to
3. computer

1. jeans
2. grease tshirt
3. panama city sweatshirt

1. ben folds (five)
2. the hush sound
3. regina spektor

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS: (currently... changes all the time)
1. "dreaming with a broken heart" - john mayer
2. "romeo and juliet" - matt nathanson
3. "good morning/graduation" - kanye west

1. understanding
2. honesty
3. humor

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE (in no particular order):
1. i have a mac
2. i love orange juice
3. my sheets on my bed are green

1. eyes
2. sense of humor
3. hair

1. sleeping
2. facebooking
3. talking

1. get food
2. finish my homework (not do it persay, but just have it done)
3. sleep

1. journalist
2. public relations manager
3. marketing

1. carolinas (never been)
2. england
3. italy

1. donate my hair to locks of love
2. be truly courageous
3. have a job where i am truly happy

1. i love horror and action movies more than chick flicks
2. i love whiskey. really.
3. i eat a lot

1. i enjoy dressing up
2. i like decorating
3. i am a hopeless romantic deep down

1. adrien brody
2. tyson ritter
3. jason mraz

(x) smoked a cigarette
(x) smoked a cigar
( ) kissed a member of the same sex
(x) crashed a friend's car
( ) stolen a car
( ) been in love
( ) been dumped
(x) shoplifted
( ) been fired
( ) been in a fist fight
(x) snuck out of your parent's house
(x) had feelings for someone who didn't have them back
( ) been arrested
(x) made out with a stranger
( ) gone on a blind date
( ) had a crush on a teacher
(x) skipped class
( ) slept with a co-worker
( ) seen someone die
( ) had a crush on one of your livejournal friends
( ) been to Canada
( ) been to Mexico
(x) been on a plane
( ) thrown up in a bar
( ) purposely set a part of yourself on fire
(x) eaten sushi
(x) been snowboarding
( ) met someone in person from livejournal
(x) been moshing at a concert
( ) been in an abusive relationship
( ) taken painkillers
(x) love someone or miss someone right now
(x) laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by
(x) made a snow angel
(x) had a tea party
(x) flown a kite
(x) built a sand castle
(x) gone puddle jumping
(x) played dress up
(x) jumped into a pile of leaves
(x) gone sledding
(x) cheated while playing a game
(x) been lonely
(x) fallen asleep at work/school
( ) used a fake id
(x) watched the sun set
( ) felt an earthquake
(x) touched a snake
(x) slept beneath the stars
(x) been tickled
(x) been robbed
(x) been misunderstood
(x) petted a reindeer/goat
(x) won a contest
(x) run a red light
( ) been suspended from school
(x) been in a car accident
( ) had braces
(x) felt like an outcast
( ) eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night
(x) had deja vu
(x) danced in the moonlight
(x) hated the way you look
(x) witnessed a crime
( ) pole danced
(x) questioned your heart
(x) been obsessed with post-it notes
(x) squished barefoot through the mud
(x) been lost
( ) been to the opposite side of the country
(x) swam in the ocean
( ) felt like dying
(x) cried yourself to sleep
(x) played cops and robbers
(x) recently colored with crayons/colored pencils/markers
(x) sung karaoke
( ) paid for a meal with only coins
(x) done something you told yourself you wouldn't
(x) made prank phone calls
(x) laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose
(x) caught a snowflake on your tongue
(x) danced in the rain
(x) written a letter to Santa Claus
( ) been kissed under a mistletoe
(x) watched the sun rise with someone you care about
(x) blown bubbles
( ) made a bonfire on the beach
(x) crashed a party
(x) gone rollerskating
(x) had a wish come true
( ) humped a monkey
(x) worn pearls
( ) jumped off a bridge
(x) screamed penis in class
(x) ate dog/cat/rat food
( ) told a complete stranger you loved them
(x) kissed a mirror
(x) sang in the shower
( ) have a little black dress
(x) had a dream that you married someone
( ) glued your hand to something
( ) got your tongue stuck to a flag pole
( ) kissed a fish
(x) worn the opposite sexes clothes
( ) been a cheerleader
(x) sat on a roof top
(x) screamed at the top of your lungs
(x) done a one-handed cartwheel
( ) talked on the phone for more than 6 hours
(x) stayed up all night
( ) didn’t take a shower for a week
(x) pick and ate an apple right off the tree
(x) climbed a tree
(x) had a tree house
(x) are scared to watch scary movies alone
(x) believe in ghosts
( ) have more then 30 pairs of shoes
(x) worn a really ugly outfit to school just to see what others say
(x) gone streaking
(x) played ding-dong-ditch
(x) played chicken
(x) got pushed into a pool with all your clothes on
(x) been told you're hot by a complete stranger
( ) broken a bone
(x) been easily amused
( ) caught a fish then ate it
( ) made porn
( ) caught a butterfly
(x) laughed so hard you cried
(x) cried so hard you laughed
(x) mooned/flashed someone
(x) had someone moon/flash you
(x) cheated on a test
(x) have a Britney Spears CD
(x) forgotten someone’s name
( ) slept naked
(x) French braided someone’s hair
(x) gone skinny dippin in a pool
( ) been threatened to be kicked out of your house
( ) been kicked out your house

I've never been drunk
I've never kissed a member of the opposite sex
I've never kissed a member of the same sex
I've never crashed a friend's car
I've never been to Japan
I've never been to Europe

I've never ridden in a taxi
I've never been in love
I've never been dumped

I've never shoplifted
I've never been in a fight
I've never had a threesome
I've never snuck out of my house
I've never been arrested
I've never made out with a stranger
I've never been on a blind date
I've never lied to a friend
I've never had a crush on a teacher
I've never skipped school
I've never thrown up in public
I've never purposely set a part of myself on fire
I've never eaten sushi
I've never been happy with myself
I've never met a movie star
I've never cheated in any test/exams
I've never confessed my feelings for anyone before
I've never run away from home
I've never been on a stage